Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Chauncee at the Waterfall

Chauncee at the Waterfall
Originally uploaded by Julee Herrmann HeArt Collective

For the last two weeks as I have been spending time readjusting to reality without my beloved dog by my side. Many things have happened that have not slipped by me, to which I just could not give energy at the time. Some wonderful, some stunning – all are lost to me at THIS moment...

My deepest gratitude to those around me who have spent their energy supporting me. I love you and thank you from the deepest part of my being. Thank you – you are invaluable. I know that people spent their energy praying that my dog would fulfill her ultimate destiny and she did that 10 fold. She delivered me from ego filled dark times with a little more openness to my heart. I know that teaching unconditional love has been the task of the “BIG” ones.

What of those souls who have never been loved so unconditionally as those who have the love of a dog? I'm sure they find it elsewhere, but for me divinity often presented itself in the form of brown, smelly, wrinkley skinned, pokey furred, curly tailed, brown eyed, perfection. I loved watching her “contemplate the cosmos” as I'm sure she did on a daily basis. I adored that she would lay outside the bathroom protecting me during my shower and then enraptured with the smell of my hair she would rub her whole body against my head – deep affection I never knew from another animal. How could your heart not melt? When she had her stroke a few years ago, I somehow knew she would never do that again and the mourning began back then – I think I cried for a whole weekend with that realization.

Even though I have been actively mourning and missing and crying my heart, soul and eyes out for Chauncee (SHAWN- sea) sometimes that “phantom” feeling haunts me. Last night I thought of her in that way that you think of someone that's with you actively – “I hope Chaunee's not too hot, maybe I should check her water” oh... yeah... never mind... And even though I have another dog – her daughter, in fact, it came as a completely separate thought. It reminds me of the widow who always pulls the crossword out for the husband even though he's gone. It will pass I'm sure, but I'm not sure I want it to.

Its likely I will always mourn the loss of this dog. I don't know how I couldn't. 16 years is along time to spend with another being. She survived most of my 20's and all of my 30's – I'll be 40 this summer – she made it beyond all of my crazy relationships and finally found peace as I did in my 30th year. She found a new person to protect in Alexia Shea – my heart outside my body - from the moment she came into our home Chauncee knew that our baby was her new charge. Chauncee stayed long enough to always be a part of Lexee's memory. For THAT alone I am grateful and so many other things I won't go on and on about here. I guess she never thought that Simon needed protecting and I while I would disagree with her on that one, she respected him in a way I never saw her respect another male human. A good dog – though never obedient. A great companion – ever protective. Absolutely, “Man's Best Friend” is a title that would fit with just the minor adjustment for gender. :) Perhaps just “Julee's Best Friend” is the best title...

Oh Brownee... I still can't believe you're gone. I will always love you. You will always be missed. I hope you are enjoying the freedom that comes from not being embodied. Play! Chase a squirrel, climb a mountain, eat a hot dog, get 'em girl!!!

Time Flies
Time changes everything it touches.
It touches everything.

What about love?
Love changes with time.
Grows anew.

Growth happens over time and sometimes all at once.
Why resist?
Go with the flow.

JMH 3.22.09

1 comment:

Oooooh BLoGgEE love!